Lonely

I'm starting to realize that being a full-time working mommy is lonely. Maybe I'm not doing enough to 'get myself out there,' but this weekend is perfect example. Saturday was spent toting Ellie to her Grandma and Grandpa's to do some 'trick-or-treating.' We got home and after trying our darnedest to get her to nap some more, got her up to get ready for our Halloween party that night (we were bringing her and had planned on putting her to sleep upstairs at our friend's house).

While I was holding her I noticed she was warm and checked her temp. She was running around a 102' fever. As I sat there with her in my arms I knew my party plans were over, the costume I was so excited to debut was going to sit on the back of the chair the rest of the night, and the yummy dip I made was going to be consumed by everyone, but me. I sat at home on Saturday, checking in on Ellie every half hour or so to make sure her fever wasn't getting any higher and making sure she was adequately covered for when her fever broke. I caught up on some of my TV shows that Mark doesn't like watching and talked with my mom for over 40 minutes while she drove home from Portland. I folded clothes and put away dishes, but all I wanted to do was to be social, to laugh with friends and have a drink or two. Instead I had a bag of steamed veggies, a bowl of soup and a Mikes Hard Margarita while watching 'Teen Mom.'

I don't know if a big part of my loneliness is the fact that all my friends from growing up live further south or that I haven't made it a priority to make friends up North? I am a part of a Bunco group that plays once a month, and that, currently, is my only 'girl-time.' I hate for this post to be a pity-me, but it is hard being a working mommy. Honestly, if I wasn't working, I would go to a local MOPS group (VERY few meet in the evenings up north, they seem to all be in Seattle), I'd probably still be going to my mommy group at the hospital weekly, and would have play dates with Eli (our neighbor boy who is about 5 months older than Ellie) or other friends who are lucky enough to be at home during the day.

It's just hard, and I just need to work on finding ways to fix my loneliness or just suck it up and deal with it.