Trust

Today was our mid-pregnancy anatomy scan. 19 weeks along and excited to find out the sex. We had been told it was most likely a boy, but I have been reserving my excitement for a boy until we knew for sure.

I had my favorite sonographer today and from the moment she started the ultrasound the little guy was moving all over the place. He was not shy at all and we got quite a few good shots of his boy parts.

My normal doctor was at his other office this week, so I was seeing a new doctor. She came in and wanted to take a look at the little guy some more herself. After taking a look at his head and brain, she moved down to his feet. Our sonographer was having a hard time getting a good view of one of his feet, so I figured she was trying to see that foot as well. I had also felt like something wasn't quite right with one of his feet, and the doctor started off by telling us that she thought that he had a clubbed foot. The foot they were having a hard time seeing was constantly in an awkward position, and if it wasn't clubbed then they should have seen the foot in a normal position at some point in time.

That was a little hard to swallow, but she then went on to tell us that she saw a cyst on the baby's brain. It is also known as Choroid Plexus Cyst (she told us in the office, but I had to look it up when I got back to work). It does not seem to be anything that is necessarily concerning as some perfectly normal babies have it, but the fact that it occured along with the clubbed foot increases the likelihood of downs or some other chromosomal abnormality to about 1 in 300.

I broke down. I didn't know what to think, I didn't know what to say. I had opted out of the full test at 11 weeks to check for our chances of issues, and with the NT scan they did, we had a 1 in 12,000 chance of having a baby with downs, which is pretty good. Our only option now is to have an amniocentesis, and for me, the risk of this little guy's life is just not worth it to know.

It has been a roller coaster of a day, and I have a feeling it's not going to go away until this little guy makes his debut. I will have monthly ultrasounds from here on out to keep an eye on this little guy along with my previa which is still complete (the cervix is still completely covered by the placenta). I can't have a vaginal delivery unless the placenta is 2cm away from the cervix, but my doctor today told me she thought in about 8-12 weeks I should see it moving farther away.

I will love this little boy no matter what happens, and I'm working on trusting that God won't give us more than we can handle. Only time will tell how things will pan out, but God is in control.