I've had a little over a day to start processing the news from our ultrasound. As long as kept my mind busy I was fine, but once I let it start to wander, the tears would return and I would start to replay all the things I heard from the doctor.
At lunch I wanted to get out of the office so I snagged Mark and drug him along with me to Starbucks (which is now serving Peppermint Mochas I might add ... I was quite excited!!). It was nice to be able to talk about it a little more with him on our drive as I had been sequested in my training all morning with my mind running a million miles a minute. I realized that we are dealing with this in 2 very different ways, and though we both need to be strong, I am going to need to be the one to be the voice of reason.
I know that our little man almost positively has a clubbed foot, and that is something that can be taken care of. Though it may suck that we will be travelling to Children's every week for the first 3-4 months of his life, and the little guy will be casted for that same amount of time, it's nothing he will remember, and we will do everything in our power to make sure that he can walk and run and play ball with the other kids when he gets old enough.
The thing that we both need to remind ourselves is that it is not for certain that he has anything else wrong. The chances have significantly increased that he has some sort of chromosomal issue, but i've looked on other websites and there are many other women who have been given the same information as myself, and they had a little one who was born perfectly healthy other than the foot.
It's so easy to let my mind travel to all the bad things that could be instead of focusing on the positives, that his little heart looked good, he was growing right on track, the fluid looked good around him, and all the other little things that are very good signs.
I have also questioned, to some extent, what something like ultrasounds have done to us. It is a wonderful scientific advantage, and in the case of things like my ectopic pregnancy or my placenta previa, it has been such an amazing tool for my doctors to have at their fingertips. But in a situation like this, would it have been better to not know at all? That is something I have been struggling with.
Not that I can take anything that has happened back, but ignorance can be bliss. I know that every day that passes will be a little bit better, but I also know that I won't have complete peace until I see his precious little face.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I've thought of you constantly in this last week Sarah and can only imagine the rush of emotions and thoughts you must be having right now, on top of all of those pregnancy hormones!
ReplyDeleteI totally understand what you mean when you ask whether it would be better to know or not (with all of this technology around us!) and it can definitely be argued both ways. The beauty of knowing right now is that you get to "process" a lot of stuff before your little guy arrives so you can focus solely on him.
I was meaning to ask if you have read Kelle Hampton's blog? Her daughter Nella was born when I was pregnant with Roscoe (and having some complications myself) and when I first read her birth story it moved me and I cried and cried and cried (here is the link if you haven't read it yet: http://www.kellehampton.com/2010/01/nella-cordelia-birth-story.html)
Wishing you much love and joy as your beautiful family expands to 4.
Laura - It has been some time, but I have read that birth story, and skimming through it today I have tears running down my cheeks. it is a daily battle of who will win, my emotional side or my rational side, with the rational pushing through to get everything done, a smile on my face, and a knowledge that I can only do so much at this point in time, and the emotional that just wants to hide in my bedroom or draw a bath, shut the door and not come out until I am good and properly wrinkled and cried out. I am so thankful to have such a great support system of friends and family and I know that whatever happens, we will be okay.
ReplyDelete