Where to begin (or continue ...)?

As about a week and a half has passed since I last posted on here, I have gone through a roller coaster of emotions, and I don't see any end in sight to this ride until March. I was feeling at peace at the end of the week we first found out, but as the days continued to go by and my husband continued to stay closed about the situation, it just boiled up more and more inside of me. It's a vicious cycle as you can start to talk about it and get emotional and think of the things that could be, then you are comforted by knowing that his foot will is fixable and there is nothing we can do right now.

More than ever I am anxious for our next ultrasound in 2 weeks (Nov 28). I get to see my regular perinatologist and after having 4 weeks to think about everything we have been told, I can ask more questions or get a better vision for what is to come.

There are so many things I have been thinking of lately like having to get our double stroller a little earlier than we had originally planned as I won't (probably) be able to as easily carry this little guy on morning walks with his leg all casted (I carried Ellie for the first 3-4 months at least in the Moby when we would go on walks). And what about all the cute little outfits with footies? I'll have to look for outfits without feet so the little guy can have his foot/leg hanging out.

All in all I know that this little guy is absolutely precious, that he will be loved beyond belief and I keep kicking myself when I get all emotional that everything is going to be fine, no matter what, but it's also hard to put those emotions to rest. How do you NOT cry when dealing with this? How do you NOT feel grief for what couldbe? Every day is a day closer to having closure, and every ultrasound is a picture closer to what we can definitively find out about this little dude.

Only 20 more weeks (hopefully less) until complete closure on this chapter, and the work begins to heal his little foot and to meet this little guy whom God has perfectly created.

Just one day at a time to get there is all I can do.