I think I'm at peace. For the most part at least. I did my crying, I did my fretting, and now I feel like I can breathe, no forced, but natural, like I did the day before the ultrasound. Our little guy is who God wants him to be, and there is NOTHING I can do about that other than provide the perfect 'home' for him for another 20 weeks so he can come out big and strong and healthy to meet friends and family that already love him like you wouldn't believe.
I am still trying to figure out if I will be able to use the Moby with the little guy with his leg all casted up from the very beginning, or what he might do when he's not allowed to ball up all of the sudden when they cast him for the first time, but it's all peanuts compared to what it could be. I have too many friends who have suffered the loss of a child way too early and I will treasure my little man just the way God intended.
I am trying to get back to enjoying my pregnancy knowing this is most likely my last, loving the kicks, trying not to cringe when he jumps on my bladder, or squirms to give me aches and pains, but to embrace it knowing that he is moving, and kicking like every other healthy baby should be.
I may still have my days, but what good is it going to do if I continue to stress? I need to stay healthy and strong for the both of us!
Today is the last day of work for a week, heading out of town for a few days with the hubby without the little one, and it came at the perfect time. I am so excited to get away, somewhere a little warmer, and time to just reflect with each other and what has happened to us in the course of the last week.
I am at peace, and that is a good place to be.
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