Already?!?!

Yup, braxton-hicks, already. I have been getting them now for a few weeks, they come and go, mostly when I get up out of my chair, later in the day, or earlier if I haven't had enough to drink, but sometimes they are just out of the blue. It seems a little early to me to be practicing this stuff already, but I guess I won't be concerned until they decide to become more frequent than they already are (every day to every few days lasting anywhere from 5 minutes total to under an hour) or if my doctor seems concerned.

Hey, maybe this means this little guy will be a little early and labor will be a breeze? :o) Okay ... so a girl can wish, right?

I get knocked down ...

But I get up again? I mean really, should I even try to get up again?

I started off this pregnancy totally gung-ho to stay healthy, exercise, stick with my strength training program, and keep all those muscles I worked so hard for. And then started the bleeding and the previa was diagnosed which threw me onto bed rest for over a week, and then off yoga for at least 2, and slowly got back to working out. I was finally back into a more consistent workout routine, including my strength class and even some personal training sessions to help get some ideas of exercises to be working on, and now, hemorrhoids.

I know, what a wonderful and glorious subject, but I'm not kidding you, I am crippled. I should have been taking care of some of the early signs of this whole issue a while ago, but this weekend I was pretty much parked on the couch and looked like an old lady trying to get up and down from any sort of position. I am currently better, but stool softeners twice a day, fiber supplements, around a gallon of water and it is SLOWLY getting better.

I looked at my husband on Monday night and just started crying. Is the world against me staying in shape while I'm pregnant, or is my shape destined to be round and pudgy? I know I'm over exaggerating a little bit, but it really is defeating and deflating and makes getting back up again so much harder. Maybe it's a sign that I need to slow down, but I really am not doing too much.

Here's to praying it goes away quickly and does NOT come back!

Holding back

Inasmuch as we found relief in our last doctor's appointment, I have found myself having a very hard time buying too much for this little guy. I spent a decent chunk of change on a nice double stroller (that just arrived!), but every time I look at clothes online for Ellie, I look at the boy stuff, but I am reluctant to buy.

Is it because I fear that something severe is going to be wrong? Maybe. I don't know if I had mentioned this before, but one of my very best friends lost her son a few months back. He was stillborn, and it shook me, pretty hard. When I found out she was pregnant we had just finished going through the process of ridding my body of the ectopic pregnancy. Our babies would have been due within weeks of each other. I guess this has impacted me more than I have really given thought. I felt so bad when she lost her little guy, almost guilty. My pregnancy ended before it hardly began, and even though it was a rough few months to finally get it all gone, I didn't go through what she went through. And now, as she is dealing with her pain, I have a little guy growing inside me with a future unknown, but looking more and more positive every time we go to the doctor. (her little guy had some similar prognosis, not sure what exactly was going on, but looking good) I hurt for her, and in that, I fear for myself.

All I can really do is pray for peace. The fear doesn't consume me, and I cherish the feeling of monkey's soccer games, but I need to let go a little. Buy a few items for the little man, and work on making his room a place that he can come home to, a place that I can rock him to sleep and feed him in the middle of the night. I just hate that my friend can't do that, and I ache for her in ways I never thought possible.

It is my goal to work on focusing on the positive instead of dwelling on 'what could be.'