I'm starting to realize that being a full-time working mommy is lonely. Maybe I'm not doing enough to 'get myself out there,' but this weekend is perfect example. Saturday was spent toting Ellie to her Grandma and Grandpa's to do some 'trick-or-treating.' We got home and after trying our darnedest to get her to nap some more, got her up to get ready for our Halloween party that night (we were bringing her and had planned on putting her to sleep upstairs at our friend's house).
While I was holding her I noticed she was warm and checked her temp. She was running around a 102' fever. As I sat there with her in my arms I knew my party plans were over, the costume I was so excited to debut was going to sit on the back of the chair the rest of the night, and the yummy dip I made was going to be consumed by everyone, but me. I sat at home on Saturday, checking in on Ellie every half hour or so to make sure her fever wasn't getting any higher and making sure she was adequately covered for when her fever broke. I caught up on some of my TV shows that Mark doesn't like watching and talked with my mom for over 40 minutes while she drove home from Portland. I folded clothes and put away dishes, but all I wanted to do was to be social, to laugh with friends and have a drink or two. Instead I had a bag of steamed veggies, a bowl of soup and a Mikes Hard Margarita while watching 'Teen Mom.'
I don't know if a big part of my loneliness is the fact that all my friends from growing up live further south or that I haven't made it a priority to make friends up North? I am a part of a Bunco group that plays once a month, and that, currently, is my only 'girl-time.' I hate for this post to be a pity-me, but it is hard being a working mommy. Honestly, if I wasn't working, I would go to a local MOPS group (VERY few meet in the evenings up north, they seem to all be in Seattle), I'd probably still be going to my mommy group at the hospital weekly, and would have play dates with Eli (our neighbor boy who is about 5 months older than Ellie) or other friends who are lucky enough to be at home during the day.
It's just hard, and I just need to work on finding ways to fix my loneliness or just suck it up and deal with it.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
It's been a while.
Life has been busy, so say the least, but good for the most part. Elizabeth is starting to show early signs of crawling, but just doesn't seem to really care. She will whip herself 180degrees to get to something she wants, she will even get on her hands and knees (and more often then not, she will then get up on her hands and toes like a 'tunnel') and then swiftly proceeds to fall back on her belly.
Miss Sue and Miss Mary (at daycare) have been working with her on crawling, so we'll see when it finally clicks. And speaking of daycare, I just have to rave about how wonderful the facility is that we found for Ellie. I never thought I would be this happy with a facility, and h ave nothing but rave reviews for the gals there. It will be difficult once Ellie goes to school to have to move her sibling somewhere up north and find a place I love as much as Engaging Minds ... but that's a good 4 years down the road, so we have time! ;o)
It was interesting as I chatted with the gals at daycare when I picked up Elizabeth last night and we were discussing learning things such as the alphabet, or letter sounds, or even sign language. They noted that Ellie would probably talk before picking up sign language because she is quite vocal about what she wants or needs (which I completely agree with!). But there are some children who are very bright, or seemingly so, and they noted that you have to be careful with that, because if a child "learns" some of these things so early, they are more like a circus trick then something that is internalized and that they are ready, cognitively, to digest. Taking the time to teach your child the alphabet from A-Z is a matter of memorization, but if you asked them what letter comes after P, they will have no idea because they "know" the alphabet from A-Z.
I found it to be a very interesting as well as humbling conversation as we as parents want our children to be 'The Best' or 'The First.' "My child rolled over at 3 months", "Oh yeah, my child rolled over both ways at 2 months." "Bobby has all his teeth and he's only 6 months old." It's like we want to one-up everyone else, we want our child to be the first, to be the best, the cutest and the smartest. The issues is that there is only so much we have control over at this age. We can't make their teeth come in, we can't make them roll over (well, we can 'show' them), they will eat what they want to eat and say what they want to say. They are their own person, no teeth at 1, take until 10 months to crawl, or walk by 9 months, they are still on track, and what our children need as parents is support. We relish in their accomplishments and are there for the failures and aren't scolding our 13 month old child for not walking, when they just aren't ready.
It's something I have to remind myself, and I think it's even harder sometimes being a working mommy. I worry that I am not working on all the "right" things. Will the doctor be able to check off all the things on her list, or do I even know if she can pat her head and rub her tummy at the same time? I just have to know that I am being the best parent I know I can be, and that is all that Elizabeth cares about.
Miss Sue and Miss Mary (at daycare) have been working with her on crawling, so we'll see when it finally clicks. And speaking of daycare, I just have to rave about how wonderful the facility is that we found for Ellie. I never thought I would be this happy with a facility, and h ave nothing but rave reviews for the gals there. It will be difficult once Ellie goes to school to have to move her sibling somewhere up north and find a place I love as much as Engaging Minds ... but that's a good 4 years down the road, so we have time! ;o)
It was interesting as I chatted with the gals at daycare when I picked up Elizabeth last night and we were discussing learning things such as the alphabet, or letter sounds, or even sign language. They noted that Ellie would probably talk before picking up sign language because she is quite vocal about what she wants or needs (which I completely agree with!). But there are some children who are very bright, or seemingly so, and they noted that you have to be careful with that, because if a child "learns" some of these things so early, they are more like a circus trick then something that is internalized and that they are ready, cognitively, to digest. Taking the time to teach your child the alphabet from A-Z is a matter of memorization, but if you asked them what letter comes after P, they will have no idea because they "know" the alphabet from A-Z.
I found it to be a very interesting as well as humbling conversation as we as parents want our children to be 'The Best' or 'The First.' "My child rolled over at 3 months", "Oh yeah, my child rolled over both ways at 2 months." "Bobby has all his teeth and he's only 6 months old." It's like we want to one-up everyone else, we want our child to be the first, to be the best, the cutest and the smartest. The issues is that there is only so much we have control over at this age. We can't make their teeth come in, we can't make them roll over (well, we can 'show' them), they will eat what they want to eat and say what they want to say. They are their own person, no teeth at 1, take until 10 months to crawl, or walk by 9 months, they are still on track, and what our children need as parents is support. We relish in their accomplishments and are there for the failures and aren't scolding our 13 month old child for not walking, when they just aren't ready.
It's something I have to remind myself, and I think it's even harder sometimes being a working mommy. I worry that I am not working on all the "right" things. Will the doctor be able to check off all the things on her list, or do I even know if she can pat her head and rub her tummy at the same time? I just have to know that I am being the best parent I know I can be, and that is all that Elizabeth cares about.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Everything's NOT perfect...but that's okay.
I go through phases of feeling like I'm on top of everything, grocery shopping is done (albeit later than I would like, but we have food to eat, as does Ellie), we aren't completely running out of clothes (although they sit in the laundry basket a little too long and come out slightly wrinkles), dinner is made at home 90% of the time, I get sleep and I still have some time to snuggle with my husband after the dishes are done and leftovers are put away. And then there are days like yesterday that I just fall apart and realize how much has NOT been done and I become a blubbering pile of mess.
Elizabeth was cranky when we got home from daycare with a stop off at the grocery store. I should have known it was because she was hungry, but I didn't realize it until I put her in her high chair. She started off by eating some cheese, which is a new thing for her, and she LOVED it. Moved on to toast with some yogurt on top, then to her veggies. After she was full we bathed and she got fussy again (not typical for the bath), got out and put the pj's on. Then she completely lost it. I set her on the floor in the living room and went to the kitchen to make her bottle and there were alligator tears streaming down her face by the time I got back to her.
She ate and was pretty much passed out and I went to get her burped and put to bed. Daddy had just gotten home so they were "talking" as I held her and as I went to go back to her room, she puked. Not just a little urp, I mean PUKED. All over me and all over herself. Luckily daddy was there to take her and change her, but I was covered and it was rank. Pulling clothes over your head soaked with baby puke and bits of vegetables smelling like partially digested milk and cheese is NOT fun.
We put Ellie to bed and I went back into the kitchen to start dinner and that's when I just fell apart. All her mess from dinner was in the sink, I had yet to even start cooking our dinner, every drawer I opened or closet I peered in seemed to need a good cleaning out, reorganizing, and purging. The toilets are gross, I haven't cleaned the kitchen floor in weeks, the carpet needed to be vacuumed, the dog's blankets stink and the 'play' room is continuing to look like a storage room instead of a room for toys and the office.
It just all hits me at once, and the putrid shower of puke set it off last night. I know that we function just fine, we are healthy (well, for the most part, other than Ellie's continual runny nose and little cough), we have a roof over out head, the fridge is full of food (and not rotting), we have vehicles to run and jobs to pay the bills.
We are a family and that is the most important thing, but it sure is hard being a working mommy with a *slight* case of OCD. I am learning, daily, to let things go, and everything's not 'perfect' like I would like it to be, but that's okay.
Elizabeth was cranky when we got home from daycare with a stop off at the grocery store. I should have known it was because she was hungry, but I didn't realize it until I put her in her high chair. She started off by eating some cheese, which is a new thing for her, and she LOVED it. Moved on to toast with some yogurt on top, then to her veggies. After she was full we bathed and she got fussy again (not typical for the bath), got out and put the pj's on. Then she completely lost it. I set her on the floor in the living room and went to the kitchen to make her bottle and there were alligator tears streaming down her face by the time I got back to her.
She ate and was pretty much passed out and I went to get her burped and put to bed. Daddy had just gotten home so they were "talking" as I held her and as I went to go back to her room, she puked. Not just a little urp, I mean PUKED. All over me and all over herself. Luckily daddy was there to take her and change her, but I was covered and it was rank. Pulling clothes over your head soaked with baby puke and bits of vegetables smelling like partially digested milk and cheese is NOT fun.
We put Ellie to bed and I went back into the kitchen to start dinner and that's when I just fell apart. All her mess from dinner was in the sink, I had yet to even start cooking our dinner, every drawer I opened or closet I peered in seemed to need a good cleaning out, reorganizing, and purging. The toilets are gross, I haven't cleaned the kitchen floor in weeks, the carpet needed to be vacuumed, the dog's blankets stink and the 'play' room is continuing to look like a storage room instead of a room for toys and the office.
It just all hits me at once, and the putrid shower of puke set it off last night. I know that we function just fine, we are healthy (well, for the most part, other than Ellie's continual runny nose and little cough), we have a roof over out head, the fridge is full of food (and not rotting), we have vehicles to run and jobs to pay the bills.
We are a family and that is the most important thing, but it sure is hard being a working mommy with a *slight* case of OCD. I am learning, daily, to let things go, and everything's not 'perfect' like I would like it to be, but that's okay.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Proud Mama!
As I was sitting on the floor with Ellie last night, we were playing with her little giraffe toy which has some blocks that go down Mr. Giraffe's neck and then can come out the bottom when you open the door (sounds kinda gross, but I guess that is the case with many toys for kids). I handed her a block and she quickly brought it up to her mouth. I then started to point to the opening showing her where it goes. After a few failed attempts to get it in there by having her other hand in the way, or dropping it too soon, or not dropping it soon enough and pulling it back out, she finally did it! She put the block in the hole and the giraffe made a noise and mommy was VERY excited! She did it a few more times after that as well, so it wasn't just a fluke!
It's so rewarding to see her progress!
It's so rewarding to see her progress!
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Who needs a spoon?
Last night I attempted to feed Elizabeth her dinner. I had made some sweet potato a few days ago and pulled it out, put it in her bowl, stirred it up a little and started to feed her. Yah, that didn't work so well. She wanted NOTHING to do with it. Funny thing is, she LOVES sweet potato, or at least she did about a week ago.
I decided to steam up some veggies and let her go at it for dinner and that worked much better. Peas, green beans, corn and carrots were all over the floor, in her bib, and I believe some made it in her mouth. Capped that off with a piece of toast and we had a GREAT dinner!
My dilemma now is what else can I have her eat with her fingers? I already steam apples for her so she has that. Bananas work well, but she eats fruit for breakfast and lunch right now, so I want her to eat other items. I am going to try ground beef in a few days (when I'm not working late and we don't have company), but I feel stuck as to what else she can eat with her hands.
I have read about pasta, but I'm not sure about pasta without the whole egg, can I get it with just yolks right now? I'll try chicken here soon after we try the ground beef and just cut the chicken up in small pieces. Maybe I'll try cheese soon too. I just want to make sure she is eating healthy. As much as it's a pain that she won't eat from me lately, it's kinda nice to have her in the kitchen, feeding herself so I can prepare dinner and have both hands to get other things done!
And as you can see, I don't think she is a starving little girl my any means! :o)
I decided to steam up some veggies and let her go at it for dinner and that worked much better. Peas, green beans, corn and carrots were all over the floor, in her bib, and I believe some made it in her mouth. Capped that off with a piece of toast and we had a GREAT dinner!
My dilemma now is what else can I have her eat with her fingers? I already steam apples for her so she has that. Bananas work well, but she eats fruit for breakfast and lunch right now, so I want her to eat other items. I am going to try ground beef in a few days (when I'm not working late and we don't have company), but I feel stuck as to what else she can eat with her hands.
I have read about pasta, but I'm not sure about pasta without the whole egg, can I get it with just yolks right now? I'll try chicken here soon after we try the ground beef and just cut the chicken up in small pieces. Maybe I'll try cheese soon too. I just want to make sure she is eating healthy. As much as it's a pain that she won't eat from me lately, it's kinda nice to have her in the kitchen, feeding herself so I can prepare dinner and have both hands to get other things done!
And as you can see, I don't think she is a starving little girl my any means! :o)
Friday, October 8, 2010
Post-baby body
So, I am finally starting to feel like my body is coming back. I'm fitting into jeans I haven't seen in over a year and am more comfortable in my skin. It is such a hard process as you are so very excited to be pregnant, and I didn't want to be too hard on myself while pregnant. I exercised and watched what I ate, and still gained more than I would have liked to.
Since I decided to stop breastfeeding after Elizabeth was continuing to lose weight after birth, I was slightly depressed. I was hoping to use that as a catapult to getting my pre-baby body back, and when that wasn't available, I got pretty frustrated. I had lost about 15-20lbs during the time Mark and I were trying to get pregnant, so I was at my smallest in a LONG time when I got pregnant. Coupled with the fact that after my 1st trimester I was taken off my medications that help in maintaining my glucose level and ultimately helped me lose weight about 5 years ago, I gained that 15lbs back pretty quickly.
It has been hard, but I am happy that I am feeling more comfortable with myself. It's only taken 8 months! :o)
Since I decided to stop breastfeeding after Elizabeth was continuing to lose weight after birth, I was slightly depressed. I was hoping to use that as a catapult to getting my pre-baby body back, and when that wasn't available, I got pretty frustrated. I had lost about 15-20lbs during the time Mark and I were trying to get pregnant, so I was at my smallest in a LONG time when I got pregnant. Coupled with the fact that after my 1st trimester I was taken off my medications that help in maintaining my glucose level and ultimately helped me lose weight about 5 years ago, I gained that 15lbs back pretty quickly.
It has been hard, but I am happy that I am feeling more comfortable with myself. It's only taken 8 months! :o)
Thursday, October 7, 2010
The right decision
I now know that we absolutely made the right decision in moving Elizabeth to Engaging Minds. I loved the comfort of knowing who was taking care of my child while she was at my girlfriend's house, but Elizabeth is such a happy girl at EM and Mary and Sue love on her so much it makes me SO HAPPY!
I pick her up every day and all they can say is 'she is so happy, she sleeps well, eats well, and is such a joy.' I love hearing that my daughter is not causing grief while i'm at work! And the past week has been wonderful when I get home with her ... she's happy, eats dinner, is happy AFTER dinner (which is a new thing) and will continue to be happy until she is ready for her last bottle of the night.
It is such a relief to know she is loved and I am so happy that taking her to daycare doesn't cause me any added stress. Thank you Engaging Minds for running such a wonderful facility. Our next child will be so lucky to be taken care by you! (Whenever that may be) ;o)
I pick her up every day and all they can say is 'she is so happy, she sleeps well, eats well, and is such a joy.' I love hearing that my daughter is not causing grief while i'm at work! And the past week has been wonderful when I get home with her ... she's happy, eats dinner, is happy AFTER dinner (which is a new thing) and will continue to be happy until she is ready for her last bottle of the night.
It is such a relief to know she is loved and I am so happy that taking her to daycare doesn't cause me any added stress. Thank you Engaging Minds for running such a wonderful facility. Our next child will be so lucky to be taken care by you! (Whenever that may be) ;o)
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