So many things on my mind and on my plate right now I don't even know where to begin. I have all these great blog ideas in my mind and by the time I get through my work day, or find the time to do it, I have completely forgotten what I was going to write about!
Cole is now 10 months old. I can hardly believe it! He is HUGE and loves to eat, but is very picky about what foods he eats with his fingers. Elizabeth was much better at eating toast or macaroni or peas and carrots as finger food at this age, but Cole sticks to the cheerios, puffs, graham crackers, and the chicken, sweet potatoes, avocado, broccoli, etc to me spoon feeding. I don't mind it, but I guess it's also a reminder that he didn't start his solids until 2 months later than Ellie (close to 6 months). He has 3 teeth now and working on two more, it's crazy to watch him morph before my eyes into this little toothy-grinned little boy instead of my gummy-smile baby. He doesn't yet crawl, but has some curiously creative ways to get what he wants and where he wants. I love watching his little mind working out how to get there!
We are, unfortunately, working on ear infection #3 in the past 2 months. Mark took him in about 3 weeks ago and he had a double ear infection. 10 days of meds and a re-check on Friday and he had another ear infection in one ear and fluid behind the other. We are on drug #3 right now, but noticed him STILL poking at his ear a little today (he is following after mommy and doesn't show many signs that he is uncomfortable or fighting anything until it's really bad). We go back next week to discuss possibly seeing an ENT and having tubes put in as well as possibly discussing the removal of his adenoids. None of that scares me as I had tubes as a child and would rather have a healthy boy who can develop his verbal skills properly than to put it off and push him back due to hearing issues.
Elizabeth is such an independent little girl, loves playing with her dolls (Barbie, Ariel, Rapunzel & Flynn Rider) in her bedroom, and I love the moments I can just stand in her doorway, without her knowledge, and watch her play. Along with the independence though is quite the little attitude, and it's amazing how quickly it morphed. We have good days and bad, and it's all about how I have been able to creatively attack the situations without 1) getting upset at her, 2) not putting her in timeout too many times, and 3) saying something I won't follow through on.
She will be 3 in just a matter of weeks and it's crazy to look back at pictures and bring myself back to the day she was born. She is now reading letters (no words yet, but points out letters on signs, on our shirts, in magazines ...), counts, loves puzzles and has an amazing memory for books and songs!
Mark is currently awaiting the ballot casting time. SPEEA will be sending out the ballots on Feb 4 and they have 10 days to respond. We should know middle of the month what is going on with the strike, but it's going to be close no matter which way it goes. He is also talking with another group about taking a position elsewhere that would give him more work and more constant work to do which would be nice, so we will see how that goes. If Cole DOES have surgery though, the strike won't matter so much because he will pretty much HAVE to work for medical insurance. The kids are on his policy as I am on my own here at Precor and it doesn't make sense to move Cole to my policy and have to deal with the off and on and possible issues with moving him from one to the other, and we also can't afford to pay for Cobra. So, secretly, I am praying Cole needs to have the procedures done, so the crossing of the picket lines won't be an option.
Life is crazy, but it's my life, and in a few years I'll look back and wonder how I got through it all!
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Friday, January 11, 2013
Keeping my thoughts positive
Last year, right about this time, Mark made one of the biggest decisions/choices he has made in his career, EVER. He chose to leave his job here at Precor of almost 14 years and begin a career at Boeing. With better pay, paid health insurance, and a great amount of room to both grow as well as slide around to different groups, it really was a no brainer.
Well, until right now. He is currently a part of the SPEEA union, the ones having not-so-productive talks regarding their contract which is currently no longer active. He informed me today that there is a very good possibility of a strike, and that it could actually be longer than the longest one SPEEA has ever had (40 days).
This scares the crap out of me. We have a savings account which will last us a good while and we've already talked with daycare about what would happen if this were to happen, but I don't want him to be out of work for almost 2 months. Not that he can't take care of the kids, but for his sanity (and mine), this could be a big bump in the road on the highway called life. I just pray that if a strike does happen that it will be short lived, that things will fall into place for us both financially as well as for Mark being home with the kids, and thank goodness for our yearly pass to the Children's museum ... might be seeing a lot of that the next few months.
*sigh* as the wise Dori once sang: 'Just keep swimming, just keep swimming ...'
Well, until right now. He is currently a part of the SPEEA union, the ones having not-so-productive talks regarding their contract which is currently no longer active. He informed me today that there is a very good possibility of a strike, and that it could actually be longer than the longest one SPEEA has ever had (40 days).
This scares the crap out of me. We have a savings account which will last us a good while and we've already talked with daycare about what would happen if this were to happen, but I don't want him to be out of work for almost 2 months. Not that he can't take care of the kids, but for his sanity (and mine), this could be a big bump in the road on the highway called life. I just pray that if a strike does happen that it will be short lived, that things will fall into place for us both financially as well as for Mark being home with the kids, and thank goodness for our yearly pass to the Children's museum ... might be seeing a lot of that the next few months.
*sigh* as the wise Dori once sang: 'Just keep swimming, just keep swimming ...'
Friday, January 4, 2013
Birthday Party Planning - ugh
I am already way behind in the preparation and planning of themes, cakes, decorations, etc for both kids' birthday parties. I went to Pinterest to get some ideas, and there were lots of them, but man, it sure makes you feel like you have to have the perfect party, the most meticulous cake, themes all the way down to the toilet paper in the main bathroom, and it was honestly giving me a little bit of an anxiety attack.
There is nothing against the people who can make incredibly gorgeous cakes, or have the time/drive to die-cut perfect letters for the birthday banner, but it is a little intimidating for a working mother. The kids' birthdays are close together, but far enough apart that I really need to do 2 parties (plus, our Disneyland trip is right in between the 2 birthdays this year). I could just pay and have Elizabeth's party at a location, but when I start writing the list of people to invite, I feel horrible that she really doesn't have that many little friends. So, do I pay $200 for a party that I could do in a few more years and it would be so much more fun? And what about our friends coming to the party(ies)... maybe it would be better to combine them so people didn't feel like they had to come to both parties. Why did my kids have to be born with such an awkward spacing? :)
But really, I know that once I finally decide on what I want to do that I will have a ton of fun planning and creating, I'm just having a hard time getting to that point right now. T-minus 6 weeks until Elizabeth's 3rd bday, and only another 5 after that until Cole turns 1. CRAZY!
There is nothing against the people who can make incredibly gorgeous cakes, or have the time/drive to die-cut perfect letters for the birthday banner, but it is a little intimidating for a working mother. The kids' birthdays are close together, but far enough apart that I really need to do 2 parties (plus, our Disneyland trip is right in between the 2 birthdays this year). I could just pay and have Elizabeth's party at a location, but when I start writing the list of people to invite, I feel horrible that she really doesn't have that many little friends. So, do I pay $200 for a party that I could do in a few more years and it would be so much more fun? And what about our friends coming to the party(ies)... maybe it would be better to combine them so people didn't feel like they had to come to both parties. Why did my kids have to be born with such an awkward spacing? :)
But really, I know that once I finally decide on what I want to do that I will have a ton of fun planning and creating, I'm just having a hard time getting to that point right now. T-minus 6 weeks until Elizabeth's 3rd bday, and only another 5 after that until Cole turns 1. CRAZY!
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Merry Christmas!
A passing thought as I stood in church at Christmas Eve Service last night ... this is the first Christmas in 3 years that I have not technically been pregnant. Kinda weird.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Failure
It seems as though there are a lot of 'great reminder' posts being passed around on Facebook. Mom's writing to other moms that 'it's okay to not have it all together' and 'we can't all be perfect.' I read each of those articles and start to feel better about myself, and then something happens, life.
I woke up this morning, rolled over and pushed the 'snooze' button praying for at least another 10 minutes of sleep. I rolled out of bed to hop in the shower as usual after my alarm went off for the second time. Got my hair done and entertained Cole while waiting for his bottle and then it was time for me to get dressed. 4 outfits and 20 minutes later I was no closer to being dressed other than the pair of pants I was wearing. Each outfit hugged my muffin top too much or showed the wear of my shirt a little more than I wanted. The sweater was nicer than the undershirt or it made me look like a marshmallow. Now, I know we all have those days, but it's become increasingly frustrating looking in my closet. I see all the clothes I haven't touched since before I had Elizabeth, the ones that looked great when I was down to the smallest I had been (thanks to Weight Watchers!). I tried to get back down after Ellie, and then I got pregnant, well, sorta, I mean, I guess I was, and then I wasn't. Only 6 months after that I was pregnant again with Cole, so losing any more weight was impossible.
Now, here I am, almost 9 months post partum (9months on, 9 months off, right?) and looking at still having 10-15lbs to get back to where I was when I got pregnant with Cole, let alone another 10 to where I was before getting pregnant before Elizabeth. I work out at least 4 days a week (usually 5 or 6), 2 days with a personal trainer doing strength training and the others focusing on cardio workouts, and yoga one night a week. I rarely eat food prepared from a bag, lots of fresh food in our house, chicken, veggies, whole grain, whole wheat, (and a few sweets), but healthy for the most part. I have tracked my food, I have tried a meal plan, and yet I sit here, wanting so badly to unbutton my pants to release the tension my stomach pooch has created.
Now, weight is just one aspect (a large one I might add), but I feel crazy as of late as well. I am still on my medication for post partum, and it scares the begeezees out of me to think of going off of them right now. I ended up in the ER about a month ago after passing out while driving home from work. Luckily I had pulled off the freeway as I felt it coming on, but after ruling out all sorts of potential issues in the ER there was no apparent cause, but I think it had to do with anxiety. I also forgot to add my crazy pills to my pill box the other week and on day 2 or 3 of not taking them ... HOLY SHIT! ... yah, I can see why you have to wean yourself off those things! NOT COOL! I have felt so out of it lately, not being able to focus, I can't remember names or projects I'm working on at work (I completely blanked on both a name and a big project I was working on just yesterday, all in a matter of hours). The only thing I am confident of these days is the fact that I can come home and make dinner for my family, get the kids bathed, fed, and maybe clean up the house. Is this just mommy brain? Will it get better or do I need more medication? I feel like a failure not being able to balance all that i'm supposed to be balancing.
I don't know what I need to do, but something has to change. Living like this right now is not enjoyable. I feel crazy, I feel scatterbrained, I feel like I have little to no control, and yet I have so much to be in control of. It will get better, right?
I woke up this morning, rolled over and pushed the 'snooze' button praying for at least another 10 minutes of sleep. I rolled out of bed to hop in the shower as usual after my alarm went off for the second time. Got my hair done and entertained Cole while waiting for his bottle and then it was time for me to get dressed. 4 outfits and 20 minutes later I was no closer to being dressed other than the pair of pants I was wearing. Each outfit hugged my muffin top too much or showed the wear of my shirt a little more than I wanted. The sweater was nicer than the undershirt or it made me look like a marshmallow. Now, I know we all have those days, but it's become increasingly frustrating looking in my closet. I see all the clothes I haven't touched since before I had Elizabeth, the ones that looked great when I was down to the smallest I had been (thanks to Weight Watchers!). I tried to get back down after Ellie, and then I got pregnant, well, sorta, I mean, I guess I was, and then I wasn't. Only 6 months after that I was pregnant again with Cole, so losing any more weight was impossible.
Now, here I am, almost 9 months post partum (9months on, 9 months off, right?) and looking at still having 10-15lbs to get back to where I was when I got pregnant with Cole, let alone another 10 to where I was before getting pregnant before Elizabeth. I work out at least 4 days a week (usually 5 or 6), 2 days with a personal trainer doing strength training and the others focusing on cardio workouts, and yoga one night a week. I rarely eat food prepared from a bag, lots of fresh food in our house, chicken, veggies, whole grain, whole wheat, (and a few sweets), but healthy for the most part. I have tracked my food, I have tried a meal plan, and yet I sit here, wanting so badly to unbutton my pants to release the tension my stomach pooch has created.
Now, weight is just one aspect (a large one I might add), but I feel crazy as of late as well. I am still on my medication for post partum, and it scares the begeezees out of me to think of going off of them right now. I ended up in the ER about a month ago after passing out while driving home from work. Luckily I had pulled off the freeway as I felt it coming on, but after ruling out all sorts of potential issues in the ER there was no apparent cause, but I think it had to do with anxiety. I also forgot to add my crazy pills to my pill box the other week and on day 2 or 3 of not taking them ... HOLY SHIT! ... yah, I can see why you have to wean yourself off those things! NOT COOL! I have felt so out of it lately, not being able to focus, I can't remember names or projects I'm working on at work (I completely blanked on both a name and a big project I was working on just yesterday, all in a matter of hours). The only thing I am confident of these days is the fact that I can come home and make dinner for my family, get the kids bathed, fed, and maybe clean up the house. Is this just mommy brain? Will it get better or do I need more medication? I feel like a failure not being able to balance all that i'm supposed to be balancing.
I don't know what I need to do, but something has to change. Living like this right now is not enjoyable. I feel crazy, I feel scatterbrained, I feel like I have little to no control, and yet I have so much to be in control of. It will get better, right?
Thursday, October 18, 2012
A Good Reminder ...
In the craziness that is my life, this was posted by my dad on Facebook yesterday and it was a good reminder of what is really important ...
The Mayonnaise Jar and the 2 Beers -
When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 Beers.
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly pick
When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 Beers.
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly pick
ed
up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with
golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed
that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full.. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'
The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.The students laughed..
'Now,' said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things---your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.. The sand is everything else---the small stuff.
'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life.
If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.
Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and mow the lawn.
Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented. The professor smiled and said, 'I'm glad you asked.' The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of Beers with a friend.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full.. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'
The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.The students laughed..
'Now,' said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things---your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.. The sand is everything else---the small stuff.
'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life.
If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.
Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and mow the lawn.
Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented. The professor smiled and said, 'I'm glad you asked.' The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of Beers with a friend.
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Utter Exhaustion
How has 6 months come and gone so quickly? I have Cole's 1/2year checkup next week and I am anxious to find out his 'official' stats. He is a big boy for sure, wearing 12 and 18mo size clothing right now and unofficially weighing in around 21lbs. He is such a smiley little guy and is ALL cheeks for sure! He is a total mamas boy and thinks his sister is pretty hilarious (which keeps both of them entertained!!). He babbles ALL the time and my favorite is when he lays in his crib in the morning and just talks, I can't help but smile! Sitting like such a big boy and rolling over (only from back to front right now) and making some strides towards scooting around the floor!
But sleep, oh precious sleep, how I have missed you. Cole's bedtime is around 6:45-7pm, and he used to sleep until 4:30, or sometimes until we would wake him up. In the past 3 weeks though, he's decided he wants to get up closer to 3am. Now, it's hard to be too mad when I walk in, turn on the night light, and a big huge grin with big big brown/blue eyes are staring up at me, but really, 3am?!? I will change him, feed him, and put him back to bed and pray he goes back to sleep quickly. Most mornings he does, but if this schedule is off a little, or in the case of a few days ago, he blew out his diaper, which also required a sheet change, it sure makes the morning that much more unbearable. I put him back to bed between 3:30 and 4, crawl back in bed, and my first alarm goes off at 4:35. 1 week of this was bad, the 2nd week I could hardly drive the kids to daycare and in to work without fighting sleep, but this 3rd week, I'm delirious.
Unfortunately there is not much time for a nap as here is my day:
4:35 - first alarm
4:45 - get up and shower
5:15-5:30 - wake up Ellie and get her to go potty and decide what to wear for the day
5:45-6 - get kids packed into the car and head to daycare
7 - walk into work
3:30-4:30 - leave work
4-5 - walk into the house
5-8:30/9 - put away my stuff, start laundry (especially if one or both of the kids had a clothes change at daycare), get dinner started, feed Cole (if Mark can't), pick up house, possibly vacuum, play with Ellie while dinner is not needing attention, clean as many dishes as possible while MAKING dinner, take Ellie to the bathroom (this can take a while), finish dinner, serve it to the family, hope I can sit at the table with the rest of the family, {if bath night} bath for Cole while Ellie and daddy are eating, change him into pjs, get his bottle ready and feed him, get Ellie into bath, if I haven't eaten dinner yet, I wait for Mark to finish with Ellie so I can eat dinner while he feeds Cole, put Cole to bed, read books to Ellie, brush teeth, wash hands, go to the bathroom, nighttime prayer for Ellie, come back out to kitchen to finish cleaning and putting away food, start to prepare food for next day's lunches, switch laundry as needed, sit down on the couch to play a few Words with Friends or Scramble with Friends before pulling up a DVRd show, then off to bed by 8:30 or 9.
*sigh*
I have also made a pretty big decision for myself in realizing that I am NOT and CANNOT be supermom, and I have hired a house cleaner. She will only be coming over once a month to do more of the deep clean as I keep our house picked up and surface clean pretty well, but the bathrooms, kitchen, and dusting just don't get done as they should around our house, and to me, it's more important to spend the time on the floor playing with blocks with my kids instead of in the kitchen with a rag and cleaner.
Life is a challenge, a constant juggle, and it's hard trying to be the best I can be as a wife, a mother, a worker, and find time to spend either alone time or time with friends (this is such a small sliver of my life right now, that probably needs to be remedied), but it's my life, and I can't help but smile when I think of what an amazing family I have. I am truly blessed.
But sleep, oh precious sleep, how I have missed you. Cole's bedtime is around 6:45-7pm, and he used to sleep until 4:30, or sometimes until we would wake him up. In the past 3 weeks though, he's decided he wants to get up closer to 3am. Now, it's hard to be too mad when I walk in, turn on the night light, and a big huge grin with big big brown/blue eyes are staring up at me, but really, 3am?!? I will change him, feed him, and put him back to bed and pray he goes back to sleep quickly. Most mornings he does, but if this schedule is off a little, or in the case of a few days ago, he blew out his diaper, which also required a sheet change, it sure makes the morning that much more unbearable. I put him back to bed between 3:30 and 4, crawl back in bed, and my first alarm goes off at 4:35. 1 week of this was bad, the 2nd week I could hardly drive the kids to daycare and in to work without fighting sleep, but this 3rd week, I'm delirious.
Unfortunately there is not much time for a nap as here is my day:
4:35 - first alarm
4:45 - get up and shower
5:15-5:30 - wake up Ellie and get her to go potty and decide what to wear for the day
5:45-6 - get kids packed into the car and head to daycare
7 - walk into work
3:30-4:30 - leave work
4-5 - walk into the house
5-8:30/9 - put away my stuff, start laundry (especially if one or both of the kids had a clothes change at daycare), get dinner started, feed Cole (if Mark can't), pick up house, possibly vacuum, play with Ellie while dinner is not needing attention, clean as many dishes as possible while MAKING dinner, take Ellie to the bathroom (this can take a while), finish dinner, serve it to the family, hope I can sit at the table with the rest of the family, {if bath night} bath for Cole while Ellie and daddy are eating, change him into pjs, get his bottle ready and feed him, get Ellie into bath, if I haven't eaten dinner yet, I wait for Mark to finish with Ellie so I can eat dinner while he feeds Cole, put Cole to bed, read books to Ellie, brush teeth, wash hands, go to the bathroom, nighttime prayer for Ellie, come back out to kitchen to finish cleaning and putting away food, start to prepare food for next day's lunches, switch laundry as needed, sit down on the couch to play a few Words with Friends or Scramble with Friends before pulling up a DVRd show, then off to bed by 8:30 or 9.
*sigh*
I have also made a pretty big decision for myself in realizing that I am NOT and CANNOT be supermom, and I have hired a house cleaner. She will only be coming over once a month to do more of the deep clean as I keep our house picked up and surface clean pretty well, but the bathrooms, kitchen, and dusting just don't get done as they should around our house, and to me, it's more important to spend the time on the floor playing with blocks with my kids instead of in the kitchen with a rag and cleaner.
Life is a challenge, a constant juggle, and it's hard trying to be the best I can be as a wife, a mother, a worker, and find time to spend either alone time or time with friends (this is such a small sliver of my life right now, that probably needs to be remedied), but it's my life, and I can't help but smile when I think of what an amazing family I have. I am truly blessed.
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