Yup, braxton-hicks, already. I have been getting them now for a few weeks, they come and go, mostly when I get up out of my chair, later in the day, or earlier if I haven't had enough to drink, but sometimes they are just out of the blue. It seems a little early to me to be practicing this stuff already, but I guess I won't be concerned until they decide to become more frequent than they already are (every day to every few days lasting anywhere from 5 minutes total to under an hour) or if my doctor seems concerned.
Hey, maybe this means this little guy will be a little early and labor will be a breeze? :o) Okay ... so a girl can wish, right?
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
I get knocked down ...
But I get up again? I mean really, should I even try to get up again?
I started off this pregnancy totally gung-ho to stay healthy, exercise, stick with my strength training program, and keep all those muscles I worked so hard for. And then started the bleeding and the previa was diagnosed which threw me onto bed rest for over a week, and then off yoga for at least 2, and slowly got back to working out. I was finally back into a more consistent workout routine, including my strength class and even some personal training sessions to help get some ideas of exercises to be working on, and now, hemorrhoids.
I know, what a wonderful and glorious subject, but I'm not kidding you, I am crippled. I should have been taking care of some of the early signs of this whole issue a while ago, but this weekend I was pretty much parked on the couch and looked like an old lady trying to get up and down from any sort of position. I am currently better, but stool softeners twice a day, fiber supplements, around a gallon of water and it is SLOWLY getting better.
I looked at my husband on Monday night and just started crying. Is the world against me staying in shape while I'm pregnant, or is my shape destined to be round and pudgy? I know I'm over exaggerating a little bit, but it really is defeating and deflating and makes getting back up again so much harder. Maybe it's a sign that I need to slow down, but I really am not doing too much.
Here's to praying it goes away quickly and does NOT come back!
I started off this pregnancy totally gung-ho to stay healthy, exercise, stick with my strength training program, and keep all those muscles I worked so hard for. And then started the bleeding and the previa was diagnosed which threw me onto bed rest for over a week, and then off yoga for at least 2, and slowly got back to working out. I was finally back into a more consistent workout routine, including my strength class and even some personal training sessions to help get some ideas of exercises to be working on, and now, hemorrhoids.
I know, what a wonderful and glorious subject, but I'm not kidding you, I am crippled. I should have been taking care of some of the early signs of this whole issue a while ago, but this weekend I was pretty much parked on the couch and looked like an old lady trying to get up and down from any sort of position. I am currently better, but stool softeners twice a day, fiber supplements, around a gallon of water and it is SLOWLY getting better.
I looked at my husband on Monday night and just started crying. Is the world against me staying in shape while I'm pregnant, or is my shape destined to be round and pudgy? I know I'm over exaggerating a little bit, but it really is defeating and deflating and makes getting back up again so much harder. Maybe it's a sign that I need to slow down, but I really am not doing too much.
Here's to praying it goes away quickly and does NOT come back!
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Holding back
Inasmuch as we found relief in our last doctor's appointment, I have found myself having a very hard time buying too much for this little guy. I spent a decent chunk of change on a nice double stroller (that just arrived!), but every time I look at clothes online for Ellie, I look at the boy stuff, but I am reluctant to buy.
Is it because I fear that something severe is going to be wrong? Maybe. I don't know if I had mentioned this before, but one of my very best friends lost her son a few months back. He was stillborn, and it shook me, pretty hard. When I found out she was pregnant we had just finished going through the process of ridding my body of the ectopic pregnancy. Our babies would have been due within weeks of each other. I guess this has impacted me more than I have really given thought. I felt so bad when she lost her little guy, almost guilty. My pregnancy ended before it hardly began, and even though it was a rough few months to finally get it all gone, I didn't go through what she went through. And now, as she is dealing with her pain, I have a little guy growing inside me with a future unknown, but looking more and more positive every time we go to the doctor. (her little guy had some similar prognosis, not sure what exactly was going on, but looking good) I hurt for her, and in that, I fear for myself.
All I can really do is pray for peace. The fear doesn't consume me, and I cherish the feeling of monkey's soccer games, but I need to let go a little. Buy a few items for the little man, and work on making his room a place that he can come home to, a place that I can rock him to sleep and feed him in the middle of the night. I just hate that my friend can't do that, and I ache for her in ways I never thought possible.
It is my goal to work on focusing on the positive instead of dwelling on 'what could be.'
Is it because I fear that something severe is going to be wrong? Maybe. I don't know if I had mentioned this before, but one of my very best friends lost her son a few months back. He was stillborn, and it shook me, pretty hard. When I found out she was pregnant we had just finished going through the process of ridding my body of the ectopic pregnancy. Our babies would have been due within weeks of each other. I guess this has impacted me more than I have really given thought. I felt so bad when she lost her little guy, almost guilty. My pregnancy ended before it hardly began, and even though it was a rough few months to finally get it all gone, I didn't go through what she went through. And now, as she is dealing with her pain, I have a little guy growing inside me with a future unknown, but looking more and more positive every time we go to the doctor. (her little guy had some similar prognosis, not sure what exactly was going on, but looking good) I hurt for her, and in that, I fear for myself.
All I can really do is pray for peace. The fear doesn't consume me, and I cherish the feeling of monkey's soccer games, but I need to let go a little. Buy a few items for the little man, and work on making his room a place that he can come home to, a place that I can rock him to sleep and feed him in the middle of the night. I just hate that my friend can't do that, and I ache for her in ways I never thought possible.
It is my goal to work on focusing on the positive instead of dwelling on 'what could be.'
Monday, November 28, 2011
*Sigh* of (partial) relief
We got to see our little man again today, and along with that, got to see my regular perinatologist which I was just as excited about. A quick side note: anyone needing a high risk doctor should see Dr. Wall ... he is absolutely amazing and I couldn't have been referred to a better doctor!
Anyways, back to our little monkey (his new nickname for his raucous bouts of monkeying around in momma's belly!). Here is the biggest highlights of the ultrasound and meeting with the doctor:
1) My placenta has moved! It's not quite to the 'magical' 2cm mark to deliver vaginally, but it most definitely is not complete like it was 4 weeks ago. It actually amazed me when she said it wasn't complete anymore as it had hardly moved from week 14 to 19. But that is a huge blessing, and it should only continue to move further away from the cervix. Hallelujah!
2) The cyst on lil monkey's brain is going away. Now, that is a good thing, but it's also common. 99% of the Choroid Plexus Cysts will be gone by birth, most resolving around 28 weeks. We expect that next time they won't even be able to see his cyst. Again, I want to stress that it is a marker, not a given, that he has a chromosomal issue, and it's great that it's going away, but it's not anything that would have caused issues after birth either way.
3) The clubfoot is NOT severe. (Deep breath taken here) It still looks like the lil man has a slight clubfoot, where his right foot does not lie in line with his leg like his left one does (it turns slightly inward), but by no means is it severe. The doctor even said that we could potentially see it fix itself over the next few months depending on how his little body is developing, and his right side may just be lagging a little (just like his Great-Papa Roberts). We will continue to have monthly growth scans so we'll see what he looks like in another 4-5 weeks and if he continues to look like he has some severity of a clubfoot, we will be referred to Children's before he is born.
The most important parts are that his brain, heart, and other structures are all healthy and normal. The doctor obviously cannot rule out a chromosomal issue, but moved our odds to 1 in 1000. Again, we won't know ANYTHING until this little guy arrives, and this roller coaster is on an upswing and I guess I am preparing myself for another dip in the tracks, but praying that it won't come!
As the doctor was getting ready to leave he looked at me and said, "you just have the most interesting pregnancies." Not so sure that is the best thing coming from a doctor who works with high risk patients all day long, but I guess I know that I'm in good hands no matter what happens!
Anyways, back to our little monkey (his new nickname for his raucous bouts of monkeying around in momma's belly!). Here is the biggest highlights of the ultrasound and meeting with the doctor:
1) My placenta has moved! It's not quite to the 'magical' 2cm mark to deliver vaginally, but it most definitely is not complete like it was 4 weeks ago. It actually amazed me when she said it wasn't complete anymore as it had hardly moved from week 14 to 19. But that is a huge blessing, and it should only continue to move further away from the cervix. Hallelujah!
2) The cyst on lil monkey's brain is going away. Now, that is a good thing, but it's also common. 99% of the Choroid Plexus Cysts will be gone by birth, most resolving around 28 weeks. We expect that next time they won't even be able to see his cyst. Again, I want to stress that it is a marker, not a given, that he has a chromosomal issue, and it's great that it's going away, but it's not anything that would have caused issues after birth either way.
3) The clubfoot is NOT severe. (Deep breath taken here) It still looks like the lil man has a slight clubfoot, where his right foot does not lie in line with his leg like his left one does (it turns slightly inward), but by no means is it severe. The doctor even said that we could potentially see it fix itself over the next few months depending on how his little body is developing, and his right side may just be lagging a little (just like his Great-Papa Roberts). We will continue to have monthly growth scans so we'll see what he looks like in another 4-5 weeks and if he continues to look like he has some severity of a clubfoot, we will be referred to Children's before he is born.
The most important parts are that his brain, heart, and other structures are all healthy and normal. The doctor obviously cannot rule out a chromosomal issue, but moved our odds to 1 in 1000. Again, we won't know ANYTHING until this little guy arrives, and this roller coaster is on an upswing and I guess I am preparing myself for another dip in the tracks, but praying that it won't come!
As the doctor was getting ready to leave he looked at me and said, "you just have the most interesting pregnancies." Not so sure that is the best thing coming from a doctor who works with high risk patients all day long, but I guess I know that I'm in good hands no matter what happens!
Sunday, November 20, 2011
ugh!
I thought the 2nd trimester was supposed to be when I felt the best. My first trimester was scattered with side effects of being pregnant, but nothing ever stuck around, so I figured that things would continue to go well. I was wrong. The past few days I have just felt like crap. This little guy is constantly getting into uncomfortable positions with his favorite (and my nemesis) where one of his feet is pushed into my left hip, but that's also along with jumping on my bladder or stright down on my cervix. I can honestly say that Elizabeth NEVER moved this much, and most definitely never got herself into such uncomfortable positions, and I have at least 15 more weeks of this, and he's only a fraction of the size he will become. I am also getting an upset stomach, and I just lack energy or the gusto to get things done. I'm just praying things get better!
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
A Great read
For those who may stumble upon, or who have been following my blog, here is a link to a PDF that I found while researching clubfoot at Seattle Children's hospital. I goes through everything that our little dude will be doing over the next 5 years as well as the impact on his life down the road.
Clubfoot treatment by Ponseti Method
Clubfoot treatment by Ponseti Method
Monday, November 14, 2011
Where to begin (or continue ...)?
As about a week and a half has passed since I last posted on here, I have gone through a roller coaster of emotions, and I don't see any end in sight to this ride until March. I was feeling at peace at the end of the week we first found out, but as the days continued to go by and my husband continued to stay closed about the situation, it just boiled up more and more inside of me. It's a vicious cycle as you can start to talk about it and get emotional and think of the things that could be, then you are comforted by knowing that his foot will is fixable and there is nothing we can do right now.
More than ever I am anxious for our next ultrasound in 2 weeks (Nov 28). I get to see my regular perinatologist and after having 4 weeks to think about everything we have been told, I can ask more questions or get a better vision for what is to come.
There are so many things I have been thinking of lately like having to get our double stroller a little earlier than we had originally planned as I won't (probably) be able to as easily carry this little guy on morning walks with his leg all casted (I carried Ellie for the first 3-4 months at least in the Moby when we would go on walks). And what about all the cute little outfits with footies? I'll have to look for outfits without feet so the little guy can have his foot/leg hanging out.
All in all I know that this little guy is absolutely precious, that he will be loved beyond belief and I keep kicking myself when I get all emotional that everything is going to be fine, no matter what, but it's also hard to put those emotions to rest. How do you NOT cry when dealing with this? How do you NOT feel grief for what couldbe? Every day is a day closer to having closure, and every ultrasound is a picture closer to what we can definitively find out about this little dude.
Only 20 more weeks (hopefully less) until complete closure on this chapter, and the work begins to heal his little foot and to meet this little guy whom God has perfectly created.
Just one day at a time to get there is all I can do.
More than ever I am anxious for our next ultrasound in 2 weeks (Nov 28). I get to see my regular perinatologist and after having 4 weeks to think about everything we have been told, I can ask more questions or get a better vision for what is to come.
There are so many things I have been thinking of lately like having to get our double stroller a little earlier than we had originally planned as I won't (probably) be able to as easily carry this little guy on morning walks with his leg all casted (I carried Ellie for the first 3-4 months at least in the Moby when we would go on walks). And what about all the cute little outfits with footies? I'll have to look for outfits without feet so the little guy can have his foot/leg hanging out.
All in all I know that this little guy is absolutely precious, that he will be loved beyond belief and I keep kicking myself when I get all emotional that everything is going to be fine, no matter what, but it's also hard to put those emotions to rest. How do you NOT cry when dealing with this? How do you NOT feel grief for what couldbe? Every day is a day closer to having closure, and every ultrasound is a picture closer to what we can definitively find out about this little dude.
Only 20 more weeks (hopefully less) until complete closure on this chapter, and the work begins to heal his little foot and to meet this little guy whom God has perfectly created.
Just one day at a time to get there is all I can do.
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