Meltdown

Had my last ultrasound this morning and everything looked great! So hard to see everything now that Cole is so big and squished, but he was breathing, fluid levels looked good, he's continuing to stay head down, and is running around 6-1/2 lbs (or so the ultrasound shows). My doctor said that he wouldn't expect him to gain much more than one more pound, possibly even a little less, so a very 'medium' sized baby.

At the end of the ultrasound the tech checked my cervix, which I was hoping would show signs of getting ready. And, well, no such luck. It is still nice and long. As I sat in the room after the tech left waiting for my doctor, I had all of these thoughts running through my head. My first instinct was to cry and the second was to take a deep breath and realize that I WANT things to happen when they are supposed to, not when I necessarily would like them to happen. If Cole is not ready, I am not going to make my body do anything it shouldn't.

As I left the hospital and was driving back to work, I was talking to my sister and I just fell apart. I am done. I hurt, I can't sleep, I waddle everywhere I go and I feel like a whale. I am going to do everything I can to enjoy this last part of this pregnancy as it will be my last (or that is the plan at this point in time), but it's really hard to enjoy something when all you want it to do is end. I know it will only be a few more weeks, and those few weeks are nothing compared to the many years I still have ahead of me. My prayer until the end is patience.